6 Jan 2008

-You Are A Sadist, He Said.

-You are a sadist. I can see it in your eyes,
he said.

-I know I have sadistic tendencies, but I am not a sadist.

-Yes you are. I know it, I feel it.


- How are you?
said he.

- A bit tired but not upset any more.

- Ok. why were you?

- Just.. the feeling when I fell asleep wasn't nice...

- Tell me!

- Missing you.. wondering how far I would go as a sadist.

-You like that.

-Yes and it scares me.

-What situation is it you think of that scares you?

-Rage without control.


-What do you think of? Describe your desires, thoughts.

- It is so hard to describe
, to put into words.

- Try! Please try. speak your mind, dont hold back.

-I want to own.... I want to feel the power just surge through me, knowing that there are no limits. I want to let go....

- Name the worst consequenses.

- Markings, pain, death.


- I did something unusual today... I told him.

- Yes?

- I called up the guy I was with for a very long time.

We went out for pizza and I asked him if he had ever seen me lose controll.

He hadn't, not once.

I needed to ask him that.


-I want you get drunk while I'm tied down, just a bit, he said out of the blue.

- You know, I have only been drunk once. I don't want to lose controll.

- I know. I'm asking you to cross a limit.

- Yes....

- And then... You are not allowed to do anything to me. Be drunk. I'm serious.

- I believe you.

-Just have me tied down... Walk around with your whip. It's a test.

- A test?

- Yes, your own test.

- To see what I will do?

- No. You are not allowed to do anything.


- You just have to caress me and think of the things you want to do.
Controll the uncontrollable.....


Christian said...

Hmm, of course every human has some sadistic energy. Men normally more than women...
I think it´s mandatory though that especially as a real sadist, you always keep this under control. A lot of men obviously can´t, with bad consequences for them and even more for the one near them, mostly their own wives/girlfriends and children.

A sub/man who is "feeding" this side of you, is not someone who I would see as a good sub for you, since he is trying to strengthen a brute, dark part of you. After all you are, even as female, just a human and not perfect. Something most dominant women know of course, but most sub men seem to forget...

So using this knowledge and desire of yours to bring you closer to a mental state where you could lose control, seems not to be something (at least to me), which could be in your interest. Even if it would be pleasurable for you for the moment, I can´t believe you would feel good about it, after the rush of losing control would be over and your mind would take over again.

Sorry, I think I get a bit too long here, so I just want to emphasize that some subs can bring out a behaviour in a domme she would surely regret later. Of course that I comment like that is also a result of my own not so masochistic nature, so perhaps I am just scared to death now!lol!^^

LadyM said...

Christian - I know that such behaviour is dangerous. However, in this case, he was showing me that it was okay to express my darker side, and that I had the ability to controll it.