-You are a sadist. I can see it in your eyes, he said.
-I know I have sadistic tendencies, but I am not a sadist.
-Yes you are. I know it, I feel it.
- How are you? said he.
- A bit tired but not upset any more.
- Ok. why were you?
- Just.. the feeling when I fell asleep wasn't nice...
- Tell me!
- Missing you.. wondering how far I would go as a sadist.
-You like that.
-Yes and it scares me.
-What situation is it you think of that scares you?
-Rage without control.
-What do you think of? Describe your desires, thoughts.
- It is so hard to describe, to put into words.
- Try! Please try. speak your mind, dont hold back.
-I want to own.... I want to feel the power just surge through me, knowing that there are no limits. I want to let go....
- Name the worst consequenses.
- Markings, pain, death.
- I did something unusual today... I told him.
- I called up the guy I was with for a very long time.
We went out for pizza and I asked him if he had ever seen me lose controll.
He hadn't, not once.
I needed to ask him that.
.......-I want you get drunk while I'm tied down, just a bit, he said out of the blue.
- You know, I have only been drunk once. I don't want to lose controll.
- I know. I'm asking you to cross a limit.
- And then... You are not allowed to do anything to me. Be drunk. I'm serious.
- I believe you.
-Just have me tied down... Walk around with your whip. It's a test.
- A test?
- Yes, your own test.
- To see what I will do?
- No. You are not allowed to do anything.
- You just have to caress me and think of the things you want to do.
Controll the uncontrollable.....