29 Dec 2007

How sadistic is too sadistic?

There is nothing I love more than hearing the moans of agony from somebody I have just dug my nails into. One may think that nails cannot do much harm, but imagine being stabbed by long, sharp and bloodred nails 30 times or more in the same spot. Eventually, it is going to hurt.

I am a sadist.

I absolutely love causing pain. Strong men have cried and begged for mercy at my hands, a couple have even passed out, (one of them disappointingly quickly.) What most people don't understand is that it is not just about the pain: It is about the submission to it.

The moans, the begging, the tears, yes even the fainting, are all the results of one thing: the desire to submit to me, to take pain for me. There are of course masochists, but unfortunately those are hard to come by. They are a challenge for even an experienced sadist like myself.

A masochist said to a sadist -"Please hurt me!". The sadist said -"No" and walked away.

Yes, the easiest way to hurt a masochist is by not hurting him at all. Right now, right this very minute, I want a masochist to push, to see how much he is able to take for me. I want to take my time, a day or more even, and to be deliberate about it. My sadistic self is strong today, almost unbearably so.

Having been single for about a year now, except for a short relationship, I have had the chance to test the waters quite a bit. Not once have I been able to let loose, to give my inner sadist free reins. I am constantly restraining myself and I end up not enjoying it. Perhaps I am just too sadistic... I want to do what I want to do. Not cause permanent harm in any way but to feel free. Feel the electical surges run up and down my body the way that they always do.

Sometimes I feel I should just go to the store and buy a punching bag, but unfortunately those just aren't enough, unless they have started selling human ones....

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