9 Feb 2008

How to get yourself a Domme

A Dommes view on how to get, well, someone like me!

First of all you need to locate one. You could try going down to the local pub and ask the women there if they would care to whip and controll you, but that would probably just end in the humiliation of having drinks thrown in your face, and public slapping. Hmmm.. come to think of it, that just might be a good idea.

The BDSM community is ever growing and by now most countries have their own online community where submissives and dominants can interact. Some sites have taken on international proportions, such as Collarme or Alt. Some are more local but still quite interesting, i.e. IC.

Once you have decided where to search you then have to decide how to search. What are you looking for? Is is a play session, a longterm contract without feelings, someone to go clubbing with or a relationship with Ds-aspects? What kinks (though I dislike that word) is it that you need fulfilled? For some of you the list will be very long, for others it is simply about what the Domme likes. Whatever the case, you need to do a serious bit of soul searching before you go on.

Step three: The approach! The number one mistake submissive males make is to simply treat a Domme like just a Domme and nothing more. One-liners are seldom efficient, though there have been a few that have managed to get a domme talking to them with a good one.

3 approaches that did not work:

"Hi, I want you to step on me." Does that mean I should hop-to and to what you want me to? Nah, I prefer to do what I want to. Besides, I am more than just feet!

"Do you wear big rings and earrings?" Yup sometimes, but since that was all you wrote I won't bother answering. I am not here to simply satisfy your fetishes.

.. and one of the worst ones... I am not making this one up!

"I have developed somewhat irrational fear of woman known as gynephobia and also a hatred of them called misogyny. I have no known reason for the development of these two conditions. What I do know is that I now have dangerous thoughts concerned with causing physical harm to womankind. I dont want to bring this to the attention of the so called authorities because that will inevitably not serve my best interests and the county, state, federal systems of care often do more harm than good."

Ehm... fear of women..hatred even..dangerous thoughts.. physical harm... to the point where the authorities should perhaps be notified?! This letter went on and on in very much the same style. NOT a way to win me. I would like to stay alive!

The secret to finding a Domme is not so secret after all:

Be yourself. Get to know the Domme that you are approaching for who she is instead of what she is. Kinks can be very important to you and then you should try to find someone that matches them, but in the end, it is all about the connection between two people. If short-term play is what you are looking for the way that the Domme and sub interact is still what can make an ordinary session into something that will send you to cloud nine.

If we cannot be all that we are, then we are nothing. Dommes are women, daughters, sisters, mothers, just as submissives are men, sons, brothers and fathers. If we cannot be everything that we are in a relationship, that relationship will quickly become nothing as well....


secondfiddle said...

how about getting a helper's job at a horse stable :)?

unspeakable axe said...

Your advice is always...always welcome.

Thank you:)

unspeakable axe said...

Your advice is always...always welcome.

Thank you:)

Christian said...

Well, sometimes you are lucky and a Domme finds you!^^

But like you said, even then you have to treat her as a whole person of course.
So men who can´t do that, should better get in contact with Pro-Dommes instead...