I am not going to beat around the bush.
Looks matter to me.
I know that the perfect human cares only for the inside of others, for their personality but that simply is not me. Like I have said before, I am not perfect.
I could like most people list a number of imperfections, just as I could list things that I actually like. There will always be someone who is better looking than I, just as I will look better than somebody else. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder so who those are will undoubtedly vary.
Recently I have been put on cortisone and today, for the first time in years, I am not in pain. Nothing aches, not my shoulders, knees, back. Nothing at all. My muscles are even beginning to feel soft to the touch, and that without massage. I can walk, move, stretch, carry heavy boxes and not feel a thing. It has given me a new feeling of freedom. Pain has not stopped me, but it has annoyed me and slowed me down. This newfound miracle has me testing my limits, and so far so good.
If it weren't for the side-effects, I would do anything to stay on it.
Cortisone is not just a miracle drug, it makes you retain water and increases your apitite. Simply put, it makes you gain weight. In the past couple of weeks I have put on far too much, despite minding what I eat. Right now, the doctors have convinced me to stay on it for another couple of weeks, then I have a choice to make. I have already made up my mind.
In the choice between no pain or no gain, I am choosing the latter.
I hate pain. I truly do. I am tired of feeling it but after all of these years I know how to handle it. I have also worked hard to lose weight and I do not want to put that back on, in fact, I want to lose even more. I am going to enjoy these weeks, that I know for certain. I will enjoy them, especially because I know they will soon come to an end. I am choosing shallow over pain-free.
Maybe I am a masochist after all...
7 months ago