-You Are A Sadist, He Said.

-You are a sadist. I can see it in your eyes, he said.

-I know I have sadistic tendencies, but I am not a sadist.

-Yes you are. I know it, I feel it.

.......

- How are you? said he.

- A bit tired but not upset any more.

- Ok. why were you?

- Just.. the feeling when I fell asleep wasn't nice...

- Tell me!

- Missing you.. wondering how far I would go as a sadist.

-You like that.

-Yes and it scares me.

-What situation is it you think of that scares you?

-Rage without control.

.......

-What do you think of? Describe your desires, thoughts.

- It is so hard to describe, to put into words.

- Try! Please try. speak your mind, dont hold back.

-I want to own.... I want to feel the power just surge through me, knowing that there are no limits. I want to let go....

- Name the worst consequenses.

- Markings, pain, death.

.......

- I did something unusual today... I told him.

- Yes?

- I called up the guy I was with for a very long time.

We went out for pizza and I asked him if he had ever seen me lose controll.

He hadn't, not once.

I needed to ask him that.

.......

-I want you get drunk while I'm tied down, just a bit, he said out of the blue.

- You know, I have only been drunk once. I don't want to lose controll.

- I know. I'm asking you to cross a limit.

- Yes....

- And then... You are not allowed to do anything to me. Be drunk. I'm serious.

- I believe you.

-Just have me tied down... Walk around with your whip. It's a test.

- A test?

- Yes, your own test.

- To see what I will do?

- No. You are not allowed to do anything.

-Oh?

- You just have to caress me and think of the things you want to do.
Controll the uncontrollable.....

How sadistic is too sadistic?

There is nothing I love more than hearing the moans of agony from somebody I have just dug my nails into. One may think that nails cannot do much harm, but imagine being stabbed by long, sharp and bloodred nails 30 times or more in the same spot. Eventually, it is going to hurt.

I am a sadist.

I absolutely love causing pain. Strong men have cried and begged for mercy at my hands, a couple have even passed out, (one of them disappointingly quickly.) What most people don't understand is that it is not just about the pain: It is about the submission to it.

The moans, the begging, the tears, yes even the fainting, are all the results of one thing: the desire to submit to me, to take pain for me. There are of course masochists, but unfortunately those are hard to come by. They are a challenge for even an experienced sadist like myself.

A masochist said to a sadist -"Please hurt me!". The sadist said -"No" and walked away.

Yes, the easiest way to hurt a masochist is by not hurting him at all. Right now, right this very minute, I want a masochist to push, to see how much he is able to take for me. I want to take my time, a day or more even, and to be deliberate about it. My sadistic self is strong today, almost unbearably so.

Having been single for about a year now, except for a short relationship, I have had the chance to test the waters quite a bit. Not once have I been able to let loose, to give my inner sadist free reins. I am constantly restraining myself and I end up not enjoying it. Perhaps I am just too sadistic... I want to do what I want to do. Not cause permanent harm in any way but to feel free. Feel the electical surges run up and down my body the way that they always do.

Sometimes I feel I should just go to the store and buy a punching bag, but unfortunately those just aren't enough, unless they have started selling human ones....